Unrequited love

I don't have any sense of art: music, dancing, painting, and even flower arrangement. 

The only thing I have ...

is just a pure love to them.

I love music. And I always wish that I could play the piano. Only a simple melody is enough. I want to see my fingers dancing on the keyboard, let my feelings come out with the melody.

I also like singing, though needless to say it's so terrible. I'm only confident to sing when the music is so loud that no one (including me) can hear my voice. I remember the concert I went to last month. It was the first time I went to a live show alone, and it was also the first time I felt so comfortable because nobody around knows me. Then I could sing, dance, jump, shout out without any care of others thinking about me :)

I love dancing because I think it's a great way to release stress. But I found out that I have trouble with the rhythm. Though I can remember a lot of chemical formulations, even a very simple series of steps can knocked me out. My hands and my feet and my mind are not coordinated. If I concentrate on feet, I will forget hands; vice versa.

I just started learning Hula dance from my Yoga teacher. The melody is so sweet, the gesture is so beautiful... It would be perfect if I could do it, but T_T. Things are much more difficult than when we just sit and watch. Despite that, I still love this dance.

I love painting. I remember how happy I was when I got a color set and a brush for the first time. I spent a whole day mixing colors and drawing very first lines on the paper. The first color I mixed was red and white, how surprised I was to see it changed to the beautiful pink. That is the beginning of my pure love for colors and painting.

And I love flowers. Every time I see flowers, I just want to bring them home, put them on the table, sit down and looking at them. It's like when I am with someone I like, I just want to silently sit down and look at their face. Sometimes I feel sorry for the flowers I brought home because I couldn't arrange them well... like I feel sorry for the way I stare at the person I like may make them feel uncomfortable...

***

It's heart broken to stick with the idea you love something that you are not born for it. As you like someone but you know they live in a very different world from yours. Sometimes that idea makes me want to cry; I feel sorry for my love, and sorry for my powerlessness. If I did not have so strong love, it would be much easier to give up.

***

These days I am practicing the power of transpersonal :) Can it be true that if you think of someone and send them energy strong enough, they will feel it and think of you back? Learning physics, I know that energy decreases by distance squared. The longer the distance is, the stronger the energy should be to be able to reach the target.

Perhaps my power is not yet strong, my energy is not big enough to transfer my message. But I will keep trying practicing, until the day they can get it (hope so) :D